Well, Sunday night's Service of Wholeness has come and gone. It was a wonderful experience… and has moved my healing process forward. I am so grateful for all who had a part in creating that service. But I guess I thought I would recognize differences in my life after Sunday.
Symbolically, I did leave burdens of abuse at the cross, and that is a big relief to me. Yet now, more than stepping out in faith, I feel myself withdrawing. It's almost like I am moving away from others before they can turn away from me. I was nervous about others knowing what happened to me, but no one has reacted in a negative way. Those who were at the service were very supportive. Of course there are still many who don't know. And it is not my intent to loudly proclaim the story to the world.
I really don't understand why I just feel quiet, and want to be alone. Normally, I try to seek out others for company… but I just feel quiet. I think now that I am not holding onto secrets, I don't know what to do with myself. Maybe it will take a little while to adjust and move on. Maybe my head and heart need time to catch up with each other. And maybe I need to talk to someone about this sad quiet feeling I am experiencing. Why can't this be a simple transition?? It's a puzzle to me.
4 comments:
Sometimes things take awhile. Like your pastor said healing can take awhile. For me, I'm not used to being open with others, especially face to face communication. I've always held so much inside all my life. Maybe since you've held this for so long, maybe you're not used to it being out in the open now and maybe that's why you feel this way. Mabe you need time to adjust, like you've already said. And yes, maybe talking about your feelings will be helpful. Since your secrets out, let your feelings out. Let it all out. You have the support. Let it go!
Thank you for your comments. It's always so good to hear from others who may have their own abuse issues. Those are the folks whose perspective is closest to my own. I appreciate the support of someone named Anonymous.
I was a victim. If I comment on any more posts, I'll go by the name Morado... Spanish for purple (my favorite color).
Morado... you are most welcome. Please do read and comment. I am glad to meet others of similar circumstances.
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