Under It All

     He was very interested in underwear… women's underwear. He showed me some of the lingerie he had purchased for his wife, directing me to open dresser drawers and take out some of the lacy pieces. He invited me to try on some of it if I would like to… I did not. I was just worried that his wife would come home while we were still in the bedroom looking at her things. That would take some explaining. He made it seem like we were sharing secrets… co-conspirators… in it together… 

     He was also interested in my underwear, asking me to describe it, or better yet, show him what I was wearing. This kind of conversation made me so uncomfortable, and yet, I found it impossible to just leave the situation.
     He brought the subject of underwear up often, and over time, the images of lacy undergarments stayed in my head. These thoughts had a strange effect on me.

     I would go shopping in the big department stores, not to buy anything, but just to look. And I would wander through the lingerie departments, looking at all the pretty things, thinking about what he had said to me… and what he was doing to me. [What a sick thing to do!] I felt so guilty for going there, but those department stores became like magnets. This was not like me. I was becoming a different person!