It's been eleven Christmases since my husband passed. It's been four Christmases since the death of my second husband. My Mom is gone now… the first Christmas without her. And it's been a year of vulnerability for me as I've faced issues of abuse that I kept hidden for so long.
There are two grandsons all grown up who I don't know, all because of terrible family relationship troubles a long time ago. I'm getting old, and I don't know if we'll ever get to know one another.
I just feel so sad. And sometimes I think about my death. Facing Christmas this year was not so good.
2 comments:
Hi there,
I was just stopping by to see how you are. I don't know if you wrote this post this past Christmas (2012) or if it was earlier; either way, I feel your deep sadness. Years ago an older cousin said, "So much of life is so sad." I couldn't relate at the time, as I'd just had my 2nd child and was deliriously happy. But after trudging through clergy abuse and having my denomination do the absolute bare minimum in the name of "a just resolution," I seem to live out of my cousin's statement. The only time I feel useful/relevant is when I am fighting for other CSA victims. When I'm not, I feel hollow. CSA routed out my soul. I think you get that. Anyway, I wanted to say "hello" and remind you that you are so far from alone.
Survivor Girl
Thank you for stopping by to check up on me. Spring is coming and I'm in a better place than I was at Christmas 2012. I'm climbing out of the hole again!
Post a Comment