Mixing The Good With The Bad

     The abuse I experienced was hidden, private, unnoticed by others even when out in plain sight. He played tricks on me… making me think I had a part in it…. I had caused it…. I was on his side…. I was guilty too. 
     And he played with the boundaries between acceptable and unacceptable so deftly, that I could not be sure what he was doing was wrong. I could not be sure that I had not in some way tempted him. And as I look back, I scold myself for spending so much time in his presence.
     I think back on all that has happened, and tell myself the abuse could not have been as bad as I remembered. I begin mixing good memories with the bad, and eventually the good ones take over. 

      "Don't do that!" I tell myself. "Be forgiven…. forgive yourself…. but don't minimize what he did!" 

Dear Lord,

Let me remember it, and learn from it, and move on all the wiser for what happened. Let me use it in some way to help others. Thank you for your forgiveness and guidance and love. Thank you that I am one of your children, always and forever.   Amen