MACSAS [Ministry and Clergy Sexual Abuse Survivors] has published some
helpful leaflets, one of which is entitled “Clergy Sexual Exploitation of
Adults.” As I looked through it in preparation for writing this particular post, I compared my situation to some of the listed warning
signs from this material. [see below; highlighted items apply to the relationship in which I found myself.]
These are the warning signs:
• Sexual comments about appearance, body, private life.
• Flirting.
• An inappropriate interest in details of your sex life.
• Inappropriate touching, anything that makes you feel
uncomfortable.
• Requests or
suggestions that the relationship be moved into a social context, such as going
out for lunch. [He wanted
me to come to his house for lunch since it was hard for him to get out.]
• Seeing you late at
night, when there is no one around, or visiting you at home and more
frequently. [He wanted me
to come to his house when his wife was not home.]
• Discussing his own problems.
• Sexual jokes or
innuendos.
• Sexualizing the
conversation.
• Encouraging you to be dependent on him.
• Phoning you at home to chat. [He called me at work.]
• Sitting close to you, hugs become more frequent, more intimate.
• Touches that feel uncomfortable, confusing or upsetting.
• Suggestions that sex will
‘cure’, ‘heal’ you of intimate problems.
• Suggestions that God has
put him in your life to heal you of sexual difficulties.
• Suggestions that sex is a
‘Holy’ thing and therefore not wrong between you and him. [He said ‘pleasuring’ was not
wrong between friends.]
• Any attempt to destabilize
an already established relationship you may have with a partner. [He occasionally made
disapproving comments about my husband.]
• He gives you personal gifts.
• You are receiving unusual time and attention.
