Years later, after the abuse had stopped, I tried once more... this time speaking to the main Minister of my church. He listened to me, asked questions, and became very angry. "Damn him!" he said in a loud voice. "Damn him for doing that!" He got angry for me, because I couldn't. Then he asked me if I had told my husband about it. When I said "no", he said "good." And that was the end of it. And I still carried the burden.
About ten years ago, I told my secrets again, this time to a Counseling Minister. The sessions were helpful to me. He asked questions and listened carefully to what I told him. He sat through my tears, and did not turn away when I told him the worst of what had happened. He helped me understand that forgiving myself was very important. But still... the burden hangs on.Most recently I heard a sermon in church that brought memories of the abuse flooding back over me once again. I identified so closely with the woman who preached and all she said that Sunday... I still cannot let these memories go.
So, here I am... calling for help once again. Perhaps writing it down will lift the burden from me... because even though my abuser is dead and gone, he's alive in me... and I want him out of my head!
