Flashback

     From time to time, something happens in my day that transports me back to that time in my life... that time of abuse. It can be quite unexpected. But I have come to know that those experiences are 'flashbacks.' And in an effort to know and understand what is happening to me when I am so quickly taken back to those awful memories, I've again gone to the Internet to find out more. Also, some of the books I've been reading have done a good job of explaining things to me. So...

     Flashbacks are memories of past traumas. They may take the form of pictures, sounds, smells, body sensations, feelings, or even the lack of them (numbness). 

     Many times there is no actual visual or auditory memory with flashbacks. A person may have a sense of panic, of being trapped, or a feeling of powerlessness with no memory stimulating it. These experiences can also happen during sleep... in dreams.
     During the initial time of abuse, the survivor had to insulate herself from the emotional and physical horrors of the trauma. In order to survive, that insulated part remained isolated, unable to express the feelings and thoughts of that time. It is as though the survivor put that part of herself into a time capsule, which later surfaces and comes out as a flashback, feeling just as intense in the present as it did during the crisis.

     When that part comes out, the survivor is experiencing the past as if it were happening again today. The intense feelings and body sensations occurring are frightening because the feelings/sensations are not related to the reality of the present and many times seem to come from nowhere.
     The survivor may begin to think she is crazy and is afraid of telling anyone about these experiences. The survivor may feel out of control and at the mercy of her memories.

     Flashbacks are unsettling and can feel overwhelming because I get so caught up in the trauma that I forget about the safety and security of where I am now.