Victim

In my reading, [Defining And Treating Clergy Sexual Misconduct, by Melanie Jean Barton, 2009] I came across a short section dealing with the victim that did such a good job of summarizing the impact that pastor abuse can have. I decided to use it as a basis for this post, speaking as a victim myself.

What follows is a personalized paraphrase excerpted from this paper:

Victims may not be able to speak up on their own behalf to report the misconduct.  They may keep quiet fearing their own safety. They may be desperately trying to convince themselves that the behavior is a good thing.  They may fear that they will be blamed and sent away and that the minister will not incur any losses.  As sick as the relationship is, the victims do not want to face not being able to see the minister again. As unhealthy as the misconduct is, it still may provide some benefit to the victims: special treatment, time away from unpleasantries, momentary body pleasure despite the emotional damage, (bodies can biologically feel pleasure even when abused).  If there is nothing to replace this part of the victims’ lives, the offended people may fear the unknown more than the familiar abuse that is known.   Once the misconduct is publicly known the victims may not have a place to go for recovery.  The victims’ church may have been the only safe haven.  Left to their own devices the abused people may become suicidal, fall deep into depression, or fall prey to another predatory abuser.  

So was I a victim… or a co-conspiritor? How could I keep going to his house when I knew what might happen there? And what if the people at church found out? Would they see me differently? Would they see me at all? Keeping quiet… for a very long time, that was what I did…