Forgive And Forget?

     The trouble with forgiveness is that most of us see it as a first step instead of the last step. And for the abuser, often times, that forgiveness equates with not being held accountable. 
     I have had that experience with the abuser in my life. "Oh please forgive me," he would ask. "I shouldn't have done that. It's never going to happen again… I promise." And then, of course, it did happen again, repeatedly.

     Have you heard the old saying, "The Bible says we should forgive and forget?" It is often quoted by our church leaders. Another interpretation might sound like this... "We don't want to know about this, and we don't want to have to do anything about this, so can't we just pretend it never happened?" That kind of response helps no one... not the victim, and not the abuser. 
     Marie Fortune, in her book, Sexual Abuse By Clergy, A Crisis For The Church, calls this "cheap grace." It brings no repentance and no healing.

     I would remind the readers of this blog... Do not forgive too quickly, as it makes the harm done seem less, and avoids the abuser's responsibility.  
     I cannot Forgive and Forget… even though he is dead… I cannot… at least not yet.