*CERTAIN POSTS WITHIN THIS BLOG INCLUDE CONTENT ONLY SUITABLE FOR ADULTS.* [This notification required by Google]

Monday

Looking Back

   
     I've been thinking about my history... my beginnings... when I was growing up. They say that those early years have lots to do with how the final product turns out. And specifically, [they say], the way the father-daughter relationship plays out can have important influence on how one may relate to men later in life.
     So what's the story with my Daddy? ...not a very happy story. He left when I was eight. My baby sister was two. And my Mom raised us and struggled to provide for us, remaining single until she died at ninety-five.
     There was not really a male parent in my life, except for occasional visits during summer breaks. And I remember thinking, that's never going to happen to me. When I get married, it's forever. I'll do whatever I need to do to stay married to my guy.
     Even though my Mom had managed to keep life together for my sister and me, my 'kid's point of view' saw my Dad's leaving as abandonment. And that abandonment became a scary issue for me, all through my grown-up life.
     Arguments... even the smallest disagreements.... did not stand a chance in my marriage. I just didn't let them happen. I bent over backwards to keep the peace. Nothing was worth  arguing about. Maybe 'he' would leave.
     The mere thought of my husband walking out the door and not coming back would send me into a panic of apologies and resolutions to do better. And the sad thing is, my dear husband never even threatened to leave me.
     But thinking back, I suspect those early experiences with abandonment that I went through, as a child, influenced my adult years in ways I could not ever have foreseen.
     Learning to please, to acquiesce, to 'get along', to keep the peace, to not make waves, to be agreeable at any cost... all these strategies became part of me.
     Sometimes looking back provides a clearer view.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ELHG said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ELHG said...

As per the reader's request, I have removed the previous two comments from this post. I was in hopes that this blog could be a place for conversation and support.

SurvivorGirl007 said...

Abandonment. Yes, that's it. That was my biggest fear and the one I shared with my abuser. My dad was emotionally - and often, physically - unavailable as I was growing up. I, too, grew up a people pleaser, the good girl who would do anything to not make waves. My abuser fed into my fears of abandonment, telling me that "Jesus was also abandoned by His family" - telling me that my family was abandoning me, yet he never would. That one word - that one fear - was the hook.

Compassion means "your pain in MY heart." Know that, in reading your blog posts, I have true compassion for you. Our stories are eerily similar.

BIBLE VERSES TO HELP ME___________________________________

Psalms 37:40—"And the LORD shall help them, and deliver them: he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him."

Jeremiah 23:1-4—"Woe to the shepherds who destroy and scatter the sheep of my pasture" declares the Lord. Therefore thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, concerning the shepherds who care for my people: "You have scattered my flock and have driven them away, , and you have not attended to them. Behold, I will attend to you for your evil deeds," declares the Lord. "Then I will gather the remnant of my flock out of all the countries where I have driven them, and I will bring them back to their fold, and they shall be fruitful and multiply. I will set shepherds over them who will care for them, and they shall fear no more, nor be dismayed, neither shall any be missing," declares the Lord.

MORE_____________________________________________________

FURTHER READING ON THE WEB [click here]_______________

RELATED VIDEOS ON THE WEB [click here]_________________

HELPFUL WEBSITES [click here]__________________________

HELPFUL BOOKS [click here]_____________________________

DEVOTIONS AND MEDITATIONS [click here]_________________

_______________________________________________________________________

UNFINISHED MELODY

Someday, Lord I pray,
there will be a place for me,
where ears take time to listen,
where eyes take time to see.
A place where I can laugh and cry
and know that I belong.
Someday, that's where
I will sing my song.

And someday, Lord I pray, in a place......
_______________________________________________________________________

SERMONS

The Power of Pentecost
This sermon helped me so much... and gave me the push I needed to begin the healing process in earnest. Thank you to the minister who wasn't afraid to preach it!
______________________________________________________________________

Looking Forward In Faith
[part 1]


[part 2]

During a recent Sunday morning worship service I was blessed to hear a sermon that spoke to my heart, and reminded me that I am forgiven. I will cling to these words as I continue to move from victim to survivor to thriver.
______________________________________________________________________

Oh, For the Wings of a Dove

[Mendelssohn]
Oh, for the wings,
for the wings of a dove,
Far away,
far away would I rove!
Oh, for the wings,
for the wings of a dove,
Far away,
far away, far away,
far away would I rove!

In the wilderness
build me a nest,
And remain there
forever at rest
In the wilderness
build me, build me a nest,
And remain
there forever at rest