And now, someone at church has expressed displeasure at the time and place of this service. She feels it should be at a different time… not so closely scheduled to another musical event that takes place that night.
I guess I'm disappointed in myself, that I could not speak up in defense of the service. I tried to point out to this person that there was plenty of time between the two events, but she felt having the two events on the same night would make some people have to choose which one to go to. She felt that would definitely take away from the other event, which is a concert.
I could have pointed out that the Wholeness Service would be open to the I-Help Ladies specifically because it was being held on Sunday night, and that's the only night they stay at our church. But I was a coward… saying too much would make it sound like I knew a lot about the service and maybe was involved in it. Why do I care if she thinks that... or not? I was a coward…. I didn't say more.
6 comments:
I can see both view points. I'd say talk with your pastor and maybe he'll talk with her, work out a compromise? Maybe one of the events can be rescheduled to another day,or just keep the schedule as is.
And I may be wrong, but as I read this blog, I get conflicting messages. In this post and some other posts, you blame yourself but in other posts you say the shame/blame shouldn't be on the victim? The pastor has total responsibility? Do you believe even what you write? Do you believe facts over more than your own thoughts/feelings?
Are you seeing a therapist? They could be helpful. The Hope of Survivors....? They supposedly have a healing hand and women that contact them are so happy and healed...why haven't they healed you also? You're brave enough to tell your story and the details of everything that's happened so they'll heal/help you. You have support. Your 10 years of pain can come to an end.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Thank you for your comments. I realize you are getting mixed messages in this blog. I think some of the mix-up reflects that I am trying to record my feelings from long ago in that relationship, as well as more recent feelings. From my reading I learn that most experts place total responsibility for "boundary patrol" on the minister's shoulders. I try to remember that.
Of course there are conflicting messages. This is the way of the victim of CSA. It just is what it is. Like with faith, there are many days when we don't "feel" Christ's presence, even though we know the "fact" from Scripture that He is there. Victims of CSA very often live in the tension between what we know as facts (power differential, boundary violations, pastoral authority and responsibility) and what we FEEL (shame, blame, unforgiven). This is a normal part of the journey. The Hope of Survivors does offer healing, but even they will tell you that healing is often a one-step-forward, two-steps-back process. Spiritual abuse quarries our souls. It takes a lot of time to receive total healing. God's peace, ELHG.
God is the only one who can heal. Having support and someone to talk to is great and part of the healing but healing comes only through God.
Did you have the service? I've been waiting to read about it.
We held the Service of Wholeness on December 2, 2012. I am working of the post as we speak. Please see post entitled The Service of Wholeness.
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